Dusk has settled all around me in my writer’s eeyrie then I realise that I have been sitting at my desk without moving for hours.To the left of me is my Fathers birthday present carefully wrapped with matching tissue paper and blue ribbon.Tears are falling because the news from my brother’s phone call is not good. Saturday will be Father’s last birthday party.

The hurt in my chest squeezes my heart and all I want is my darling mother and she has been in heaven for twenty five years.

On the other side of my desk is my new book The Lotus Generation just described by a reviewer as “A warm and witty feel good read”. That sounds about right to me but there is no room in this heart today for cheer.

I have to pick up the cake in the morning and drive 300 miles north to see the family. To see tiny babies,toddlers and their parents who I once carried in my arms.

I look around and see balloons and party favours packed in boxes. 90 years old today is written on everything and I need to be brave and make this party the best party he has ever had.Love and laughter will carry us through but my books,my life and my heart will never be the same again